I've spent too long thinking about what to put as a title...

10.23.2016


I guess I feel like I owe an explanation as to why my blog has been neglected. No words of a lie, I had no enthusiasm towards it. The most frustrating thing being that I had/have ideas, but such a lack of interest to get my laptop out, jump on the internet and write. It's taken me a while to get this far. 

The last couple of months have felt like an emotional roller-coaster. My boyfriend has been a real trooper and kept me sane when I've needed a little sense thrown my way. Alongside my girls too, coffee dates and much needed catch ups. I've had plenty of up's but also a few downs. The most frustrating thing about the downs is that I have no real set reason as to why i'm feeling that way. No one or nothing has particularly made me feel that way. I hate to think that my behaviour then moves on to effect how someone else is feeling. This is why i'm so thankful for my family and friends (sorry for the cheese).

So with my cards on the table, something i'm struggling with quite a bit right now is body image and my general appearance. I'm struggling to be happy with what is in the mirror. There's nothing wrongggg as such (other than shifting a bit of weight would be fab... oh keeping it off too) i'm just simply not happy. I feel like i'm always wearing similar clothes all the time because they're what I find to be the most comfortable and not necessarily what I want to style myself in all the time. Playing it safe with my hair and makeup. If you work with me, catch me on a day off or i'm in the gym (that's obviously when I even make it to the gym on some days) my hair is always tied up in a bun. I would love to be the girl that you catch with lush looking hair that always looks beautifully styled. Same old 'hair in a messy bun' style. Same old same old. 

When I've fallen into a 'blip' like this in the past, I usually get through it quite quickly. Maybe this time round it's feeling so different because of other lifestyle changes. It just sucks so much that those lifestyle changes make everything feel a little more crappy. 

I know it takes time and effort on my behalf. It's just hard sometimes to find the effort to actually do what I want to do. Like today for example, as i'm writing this post. All I can think about is that this weekend, I wanted to spend a part of my Sunday walking around in my local woods/fields and snapping some autumnal pictures. I didn't. It never happened. It's bummed me out. I know I can't keep feeling sorry for myself and realistically, my boyfriend, friends, family can have an impact in trying to cheer me back up to my usual peppy self, but it's not their responsibility - they can't make it happen. I need to make it happen. 

It's a shame, I do enjoy blogging, photography and spending time outside the house in my free time. Even though I haven't really touched base with those ideas and plans for a little while, I need to understand that I just need to do it. Even if it means picking up my camera, going for a walk, but I don't take any photos on the first attempt. Hopefully it means the next time, I will. Feeling mopey in my duvet won't get me anywhere. 

I just want to say thank you for the close people to me for picking me up when I need it, also to those of you that have taken the time to read this. I don't really know where I was going with this post, other than just expressing what is sitting on my chest. Thank you. 

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